Flight Destination

Flying. Flying with airplanes.
It's one of the things I love the most (besides rainy days)

I probably don't have good enough reasons to be in love with airplanes, but I guess love doesn't need reasons in the first place. But anyway, the first reason is because I used to watch Air Crash Investigation a lot that I end up being curious about flights. Second, there's something about airplanes that reminds me of holidays. Perhaps because I always flew on holiday seasons, to holiday destinations, and for holiday purposes only. 

As I grow older, I realize why my parents aren't so excited about planes. My mom's work requires her to fly a lot. She spend hours and sometimes days in planes just to go to some meetings abroad, and so does my dad. I never thought about that before.

But a couple of days ago, for the first time I finally experienced flying not for holiday purpose but for a funeral. My grandmother's funeral.

I understand now that flight destination does affect the whole idea of flying.

I understand how stressful it gets to fly somewhere you don't really wanna be at. How tiring the take off and landing thing when you actually didn't want to arrive at your destination. The flight itself is still exciting for me, but there's this new point of view that I've never seen before. 

I don't quite know whether the feeling came because of this new idea of flying or the loss itself, but it does affect me too in some ways. Sad but exciting, wrong but fulfilling, honest but blinding.

I'm sure it's confusing enough to make me feel uncertain these days.
Maybe these words that I used to describe the 'flight' thing is just an excuse. Maybe what I really want to write is the funeral. The loss.

 How losing someone whom I should've known better is harder than I thought. Losing but not quite losing, sad but not quite sad.

Perhaps vapid is the best word to describe how I feel right now. 

Leaving The Year Behind

 

When I was going through my photographs looking for the right shot for this post, I remembered about a firework picture that I took last night. I thought to myself it would be a perfect shot since I was going to write about the new year. However, I decided to go with these photos instead. I believe all of you are questioning yourselves now. Why did I choose these pictures? They're really simple and quite meaningless. They doesn't even have anything to do with new year. Why?

Because those contain my feelings throughout the year. 

 Because those can bring me back to the days behind.

I still remember how it rained on my way back home after a long tiring day. The lights from other cars were completing the beautiful sight of the glowing roads. I was drawn in the thought of cold drops of water and humid air filling the busy city outside my window. How melancholic I felt, but somehow it comforted me in a way that I couldn't understand. 

I'm leaving 2013 behind with a great memories of rainy days

“She said she wanted to be a raindrop. She doesn’t mind falling, as long as she’s not alone, and raindrops are never alone.”

- “When Five Fell” by Wesley Chan (Wong Fu Productions) -

Two Seats

Fujian Tu Lou, China

There are always two seats and sides. Some people might love you and some might hate you for what you did. No matter what your intentions are. The bad news is some can't forgive what you've done, even though you didn't mean it that way-even though it was just a misunderstanding. That's pretty common. Anyway it's already midnight now so I'll make it brief and short:

If somebody intentionally or unintentionally hurt you,

You probably can't think of what you learn at the moment but you'll be thanking them someday. 

That's what Miley taught me.

Balance

Do you want to know why I put the picture there? Some of you might think that the composition is not good because it's heavier in the left side. So here's the meaning behind that:

Try to imagine the flower as good things and the plain dark wall as bad things. 

In life, good things happen and so do the bad ones.We lose something, we gain something. We give something and we receive something too. It's like a chain of actions and reactions. I actually don't want the bad things and good things to be balance. Less bad things and more great things would be great :) But can we choose that? Can we choose to be happy?
People love to say "I want to be happy and successful!" and I thought it was an optimistic thought, although it's obviously naive. And for the first time in my life, I heard someone said, "that is so ridiculous! There's no way a person can feel happy and successful in one exact time. To succeed means to have what we've always wanted, and to be happy means to want all that we've already had." I've heard about the second statement before, it says "Happiness is not about having what you want but wanting what you have" but I never thought about the first statement. I'll think about it later....

All that I can assume form the statements is if you want to be happy, all you have to do is changing your mind set. I know it's not easy, but if there's a will then there's a way. Actually, there are more than a way, it's just a matter of choice. But honestly, I have to admit that being happy all the time is not a choice. Being grateful is good, but to be held back because of it is not always good. Sometimes you have to get out from your comfort zone and fall and bleed and cry and... fight. And it means you have to let go the happiness.

So let me change the question. Should we choose to be happy?

Soundless

I love the feeling of getting a little bit gloomy on rainy days. I know it's a bit weird, but I admit I kinda like the combination of rain, music, sadness, and warm food or drink. The rain fell today, and I was drowned in my own thoughts about him. That particular guy. I still can hear it clearly, the sound of my guitar merged with the sound of the raindrops touching the roof, and that inexplicable feelings.

I wanna tell him how I feel. I wish I have the courage to speak up. It's not as easy as what Taylor Swift wrote in her songs, not as simple as what we used to see in hollywood movies. It's the reality, it's the fact, it's not a dream. There are so much to be afraid of. His friends, his words, his thoughts, his eyes, his brother, his... I don't know, everything! He might think I'm just an idiotic dreamer, or a rat trying to be a butterfly. Shame on me..

Can he just read my mind? Cause every time I try to speak to him, I can't hear my own voice. Every time our eyes meet, I can't help it but look away... Almost every night I imagine things I wanna say to him the next day and I ended up saying nothing to him.

I should have found the way to tell you how I felt  

Now the one I'm telling is myself

Source: LEIGHTON MEESTER - WORDS I COULDN'T SAY LYRICS

Blurry

Hannah Montana once said, "They say that good things take time, but really great things happen in a blink of an eye" in a song called One In a Million.

Talking about great things, they are so unpredictable, so inexplicable, and so... so unexpected! There's always an I-didn't-know-it-would-turn-out-like-this in every great things. It's like saying, "I never thought this stranger would become one of the most important person in my life now!"

The only thing I hate about great things is most of them end sooner or later. Great things happened so fast that we can barely feel it happening. They seemed so fast, so hard to remember, and in some cases, they became too sad to be remembered. And everything went blurry.

One Step Closer

Suramadu Bridge, Surabaya-Madura, Indonesia

You know, I feel like yesterday I was still a junior high student. But today, I attended my senior high school's education fair (edufair), looking for the right university to continue my study when I graduate senior high. Time flies by too fast, I suppose.

I remember when I was still at elementary school, my parents and my sister attended this edufair. It was so crowded and I didn't understand a thing about the universities' presentations. And now, I am attending this fair. Two years later I'll have to choose the right university and faculty, but now I still barely understand about those kinds of things. People asked me what I wanted to be in the future. When I was a kid, I answered that I wanted to be a pilot. When I was older I said I wanted to be a detective. After that I wanted to be an artist, a photographer, or a chef, even though I really am bad at cooking. And these days if people ask me that question, I answer, "I don't know yet." So now I'm officially wanting to be an i-don't-know-yet.

I always know I can be whatever I want to be. But I actually haven't find out what I want to be. I like drawing, taking pictures, writing, singing, filming, eating, sleeping, recording songs, painting, observing, talking, designing things and all. But that is what I like to do, not what I want to do. Of course people want to do what they like to do. But not all of them want to be what they would like to be. So even if I like drawing and I'm good at drawing, that doesn't mean I want to be an artist, right? For some people, this would sounds so weird, but for me it just makes sense.

You know why I put the picture about bridge above? It's because thinking about the future is like one step closer to the land across the sea. I know there is still a long long way to go, but  there is something big at the end of the bridge. Mega spirit everyone!